Thursday, October 6, 2011

Here we go part 1

We had our apt yesterday with the specialist. They wanted to have one last ultrasound with us and let the genetic counselor give us as much info as she could.
Ruby was just as active as ever. The ultrasound tech could barely getting a reading on her heart rate cause she just wouldn't sit still. Love that about her! When they finally did, her heart was down to 60. It has been that low before but then within minutes would shoot back up to 140. This time it didn't. The tech as well as the doctor asked us again what our decision was for her and we told them we were moving forward.
I asked him about how many people he sees a year with this, he told me maybe one or two (so basically Corinna and I hit that quota this year:) but that he sees a LOT of women. He has offices here, Thousand Oaks and New York. That this is so rare and that he couldn't give me statistics on how many make it full term verses how many are lost in the womb because most women do not "continue the pregnancy". I told him about my bible study of four women and how two of us have had it this year and he was blown away! He said he'd be happy to see us again but only if that is what our obgyn wanted. But that at this time there was no other reason to make an apt with them.
We then sat down with the genetic counselor who showed us Ruby's results. She immediately told us what the doctor wouldn't. That they do not believe Ruby would be carried to full term do to her heart rate. It wasn't a big shock to hear but I felt it odd that the doctor never said those words to us when we were in the room. Apparently he lets her give the news. We discussed our options of Labor vs D&C (which there was no need for that discussion, we know our decision), about what to expect come the hospital stay etc...
I dont really know how to describe how I was feeling coming out of the apt. I wasn't devastated because I knew that this was an option and John and I were praying that we would be led in one direction or another. Our fear was everything would look the same and we would have to wait another 3 or 4 weeks to check on her progress. So to have at least a path to start heading down felt a lil reassuring. We discussed that we would plan for a still born birth until about week 32 and if everything was the same then we would start to make a birth plan for a live birth.
We picked up the boys (thanks Kristen) then headed to Costco, Target, then up to church for bible study. It felt a lil surreal that our daughter was given a death sentence but how life had to still go on. Errands still needed to be run, responsibilities still had to be met. I know we could've canceled everything, ran home, curled in a ball and wept but at that point we knew ultimately God had the timeline in His hands and this could carry on for awhile if He so desired and that we wanted the boys to know that we were trusting in God's perfect timing.

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