Monday, September 26, 2011

COJO and ZEKE


We met Joe and Corrina when we first started attending First Baptist Church in Ojai about a year and a half ago. They were engaged at the time and even though we were brand new friends we had the privilege of being invited to their wedding and watching this new chapter in their lives begin. In November of 2010 they announced that they were expecting a babe in July! Everyone was thrilled and we couldn't wait to hear what they were having!
12 weeks into their pregnancy the doctors found something on their ultrasound and realized there was something wrong with their sweet new babe.
They realized that their baby "BOY" had many issues including an omphalocele where his organs were growing outside his body. His brain was also not developing right and the doctors informed them that it was most likely a chromosomal problem and that he was NOT going to make it full term. It was devastating news!! The night they found out they came over to our place for prayer and to just plain talk it out! Words could not be enough to comfort them while enduring such sorrow and embarking on a truly difficult journey . We along with their other friends and family did our best to comfort, encourage, lift and surround them! But there is only so much you can do on the sidelines watching newlyweds endure such a tragedy.
Corinna carried sweet EZEKIEL for 25 weeks till her water broke and they headed to the hospital. When they got there the doctors checked her and said they did not get a pulse form Ezekiel and it seemed as though he had already passed away. She endured the labor pains like a champ. Went through the full experience of delivery as every mother, only knowing she was not going to be able to take her sweet babe home.
After the very quick delivery, PRAISE GOD, I had the privilege of coming in and witnessing all that God was doing with this family. Seeing Corinna's parents, grandparents, siblings, and joe's sister hold and explore Ezekiel's tiny lil body. He was so small but still had all the details of a baby.
I somehow held it together in the hospital room as I studied Joe and Corinna's peace and joy holding their perfect lil baby. Corinna was a proud momma of her lil man. She did not care what he looked like in the eyes of man, he was perfect to her.

The drive home was when I allowed it all to sink in. I was led to worship as I reflected on the fact that the Lord knew the day He was going to take Zeke. He knew that Zeke would never enjoy the shell that God was knitting together in Corinna's womb. That Zeke would never use his lungs, or see this world with his eyes but God still chose to knit him together to bless Joe and Corinna. Joe and Corinna looked forward to holding their baby and God answered that prayer. He gave him everything a baby has including toe nails! TOE NAILS!!!! Down to every detail God was in it. They longed to hold their tiny babies shell in their arms trusting that at that exact time God was truly holding EZEKIEL in His.

God has been prepping John and I for awhile now but this was a living example laid out for us of FAITH, TRUST, HOPE and GLORY!

March 27th 2011
Ezekiel Craig Phillips passed away with Trisomy 18

Friday, September 23, 2011

full circle or maybe just half

In april of 2010 I had the privilege of going to Uganda with my husband, father, in laws, two dear friends and some beautiful men and women from other churches. We came together to hold a pastor & womens conference. To teach them the Word, to go deeper to be challenged. And I was.
I wrote all about it in my own personal "blog" and shared with 3 different churches coming home all about my journey there. I decided to read it today to reflect on what God was prepping me for and I came across this excerpt. It was my last thoughts coming home. (sorry its a bit long)


I longed for that life. A life solely dependent on the Lord, a life where I can see His hand at work everyday, to watch Him answer the hardest of prayers, to have him provide for every need, heal every sickness. A life of true Faith! A life where flying to Uganda is not the biggest step of faith I ever experience but that everyday would require faith and trust in my God!
I am so grateful that by His grace God chose to take me out of my everyday circumstances, my mundane day to day, my luke warm, mediocre Christian walk and place before me the biblical and scriptural examples of a life lived by FAITH. I felt as though the God of the universe picked me up out of America in the present and placed me into The Word of God. Lives lived in biblical times. People who relate to His word so matter of factly because that is the life they live. It makes sense to them. I witnessed the church of Acts, the people Paul encouraged during the start of the church, the first set of missionaries.

My question now coming home for myself and I ask this of you. How do we as believers in America 2010 live in such a way that our actions, our speech, our very being screams the name of Jesus Christ? Do we cry out to our Father as if we could not finish the day without Him? Do we beg for His presence every morning? Are we so dependent on His spirit working in our lives that we cannot function without Him? And are we actively praising our God for EVERY GOOD THING? Or more so are we actively praising God for every hardship and trial? Or do we even understand what taking up our cross and following him looks like? Are we doing what the word of God asks? Are we caring for the orphans and the widows? Are we giving till it hurts? Are we living a life of Christ like Faith? I know for me I don’t want to waste another day! I want what they are having. I selfishly want to get up and go cause I know their blessings will be far greater then mine!

I’m not sure if God will one day call us to move to Uganda or anywhere outside of America for that matter, so as I wait on His timing and His purpose my prayer will be that God will teach me and show me how to change my culture, how to live differently here in America, how to live a life of faith in an otherwise faithless land, how to not just fit God in where it works but be a living sacrifice holy and pleasing to God!


I have told several friends after coming home that I believed God was prepping me for something BIG. I couldn't put my finger on what it was but He was weeding out my sin, not letting me become comfortable, allowing beautiful women to pour truth into my life, and changing my plans for "His". John and I joked that He was prepping me for a "girl" and needless to say that is true. But I am beginning to see a glimpse of the picture. IT may not be the whole picture, this season may still be a stepping stone but He knew this was coming and He has been prepping me all along! Praise HIM!
-CRISTIN

The word is in....

Yesterday afternoon I decided to call our specialist and see if their genetic counselor had any results for us from our Amnio. I was able to talk to her right away with the result. Ruby Jean has been diagnosed with Trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 occurs when a baby has three chromosomes in the eighteenth position instead of the normal two. It is also called Edwards syndrome and is the second most common trisomy, after Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome). It occurs in about 1:5000 to 1:8000 births. . Edwards Syndrome is usually fatal, with most of the babies dying before birth and those who do make it to birth typically living only a few days. However, a small number of babies (10%) live at least one year. This type of trisomy is not hereditary.

Receiving the news did not come as a shock to me. At the ultrasound and during our time with the genetic counselor last week, they all seemed to lean in that direction. Most of Ruby's issues all seemed to be "markers" of Trisomy 18. But no one could tell us for sure without amnio results. I think John and I both hoped to stun the doctors a bit and have it come back negative but I wasnt resting everything on that.

We are both in a sort of fog. Neither of us have cried or become angry but I believe neither of us have really let is totally sink in. I have been on a website this morning reading a families story and journey through this, reading their "birth plan" and trying to write down the proper questions for our dr. As well as questions John and I need to answer together.

Dr Cole (our OBGYN) just informed me this morning that he will continue to see me once a month but if we ever wanna come in just to check her heart rate we are welcome. He told me to contact him if I stop feeling fetal movement but there should be no signs of "labor" anytime. That it would probably only be through an ultrasound or fetal check-up that they would know if Ruby has passed.
At this point there is nothing more we can do but create a birth plan for the idea of loosing her in the womb and then delivering or to make a birth plan for going full term, in hopes we may spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or possibly months with her.

We continue to trust that God has her in the palm of His hands. Every detail, every moment. As much as we choose to plan to make our time with Ruby memorable, we know He has it all under control and will bless our experience no matter the outcome!

This website has been a good resource for me so far and if you'd like to learn more about Trisomy 18 and their journey click here or you can try trisomy 18

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Previous Posts

We had posted on our family blog about Ruby before we started her her very own blog. Here are the three posts, in case anyone wanted to catch up a lil

He is not afraid of bad news......

where to begin

music that heals

IF YOU WANT HER TO



IF YOU WANT ME TO, GINNY OWENS

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

No I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone (yeah oh oh)

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin' Your love put You through
And I will walk through the darkness
If You want me to

'Cause when I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, gonna shout
Gonna look into your eyes and see you never let me down
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to you
And I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Specifics

Realized that we never really explained what the doctors saw in Ruby's ultrasound:

*Knot in her umbilical cord that is dilated. But it may also be cysts growing in the Umbilical cord, they couldn't tell for sure through the ultrasound.
She only has one vein and artery sustaining her through the UC

*Her heart was diagnosed with an AV Canal. Arteries are not crossed, fetal arrhythmia, a hole in between the 4 chambers, blood is only flowing through one side of her heart.

*The 4th ventricle in her brain is dilated which means she is receiving too much spinal fluid on the brain that is adding pressure.
there are also benign cysts growing in on her brain as well.

*Her head is misshapen, her jaw line is too small and pushed back (micro nathia).

I have been praying for healing through each specific issue. Knowing God can correct, transform, cure, remove, add, untie, cross etc...
He can silence the Doctors! He can transform her with a word.

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28 God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 1 cor 1: 27-29

A thought and a prayer

I know I have stated before that I know our God is our Healer and is Able to Heal our sweet lil girl and I still believe that to be true. But my human reaction is to prep myself for the worst so that Im not to devastated if He says "no". That I wont become angry, bitter or disappointed but that I would leave myself open to being pleasantly surprised if He decides to work a miracle.
But this morning I became convicted. John read to the boys the story of the young girl and the father. The daughter became very sick and there was nothing anyone could do, so the story goes ( Jesus Storybook Bible) "Jesus!" he said, falling at Jesus' feet. "My daughter," he pleaded. "Please-" But he didn't need to beg because, before he'd even finished speaking, Jesus reached out his hand and helped him up." I'll come at once", Jesus said. Jairus' eyes filled with tears. Jesus was coming. It would be alright
So the story goes "Honey," he said, "it's time to get up." And he reached down into death and gently brought the little girl back to life......Jesus was making the sad things come untrue. He was mending God's broken world"
We then asked the boys that when the daddy found out his daughter was ill, what did he do? He went to Jesus. We told them that's what we need to do now, to go before Jesus and ask him to heal our sweet Ruby. That He is the same Jesus then as He is now! We then prayed over her. It was a sweet time just us and the boys, laying hands on my tummy.
Then I decided to work on my "David" study that I'm doing with our women at church. It was day 5 and the story was about David and Goliath. A story of strength & boldness. When David was being discouraged by his brother, as well as the king, that he was not capable of defeating Goliath, David took God's Word over the opinions of others. He then said to King Saul "Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. 37 The LORD who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.”1 sam 17:36-37
THE LIVING GOD! Our God is able to defeat anything!

That no matter what words I may hear from the doctors, specialists, counselors to make us feel helpless and discouraged that I can choose to believe Gods word. Believing the things HE has done and is still doing in the lives of His people. That He is ABLE, ACTIVE and can choose to make Ruby Jean living proof.
It was then that I ran to my room and fell before my God, My Jesus, My Friend. I pleaded with Him to heal my little Ruby Jean. To defy the odds, to silence the critics, to bring others to the saving power of His name, TO DO A MIRACLE!
I can ask! Everyday I Can ask! And until the day comes where He decides to say, "no", I will continue to ask, because I know HE is ABLE!
Dont get me wrong my hopes are not set in one direction, I am still very much aware of the fear and uncertainty that may head our way, but can always plead with my father. He may say "no" here but I know no matter what she will be healed!! He will answer that prayer one way or another.
-Cristin

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The Bleak Side of the Hill

From "Morning & Evening Devotions" by Charles Spurgeon:

Evening, September 18th:
"... Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we know not where we go, we know with Whom we go. With such a companion, who will dread the perils of the road? The journey may be long, but His everlasting arms will carry us to the end...It is true they may not be smooth paths - they may be covered with sharp flinty trials, but they lead to the 'city which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God'."

I preached this past Sept. 11th on Romans 8:18-25, 'Living in the Hope of Glory'. I vividly remember looking my brothers and sisters in the eye and saying, "As of yet, I haven't ever really experienced suffering". And it's true. My parents are living, they love each other, my sister is thriving with a God-centered home, and we have all, for the most part, been spared any real grief throughout my lifetime. I also remember mentioning the simple truth that if you live for any period of time here on Earth, you will suffer...especially as a follower of Jesus Christ. Little did I know that exactly twenty-four hours later, we would find ourselves lost in the dark, lonely woods of suffering.

I keep reverting back to how I have counseled others, and what I would say to myself now. It's a frantic effort to numb some of the pain and lay hold to some wisdom, even if it's just a finger's grasp. And what I find now, is that nothing is more comforting to me than this simple truth: "He goes before us".

No matter where I find myself, Jesus has been there. He has walked the path before, surveyed the horizon and taken hold of its every detail. In short, He's conquered it. It was the path to Glory, and it wasn't smooth.

I'm restless. I don't sleep well. I wake up anxious and nervous. At some point in the day, my heart gets heavy and I lose concentration at my job. All I can think about is her, and how badly I want her. I want to see her face, tug on the inevitable pigtails, and sing songs with her. I want to be with her. And I want her to know me. I know she won't be perfect, and there will be times that she'll drive me crazy. But I want her. I know what God is doing, I'm just not so sure of the method, of the path sometimes.

But when you look with different eyes, you'll see that Jesus was here too. He suffered much, long before the cross. Yet He submitted Himself wholly to the will of His Father and set out to do His bidding, knowing that glory that awaited Him. He endured opposition, ignorant hearts, false accusations, abandonment, temptations, exhaustion, to name a few, not to mention separation from the Father. He's been here before. And He has given His Holy Spirit to walk with me now.

"With such a companion, who will dread the perils of the road?" I don't know what's coming up around the bend or what hides in this dense, dark forest. I don't know what this phone call is going to say. I don't know what tomorrow or even tonight holds. But I know my Savior and I have decided to follow my Lord. No turning back. Spurgeon finishes with this:

"Let us put full trust in our Leader, since we know that, come prosperity or adversity, sickness or health, popularity or contempt, His purpose shall be worked out, and that purpose shall be pure, unmingled Good to every heir of mercy. We shall find it sweet to go up the bleak side of the hill with Christ; and when the rain and snow blow into our faces, His dear love will make us far more blest than those who sit at home and warm their hands at the world's fire."

Amen. Please do what only You can, and for Your Glory, heal Your baby girl. Whatever Your will, You are good, and I will follow, no turning back. Amen.

- John

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ruby Jean

"Ruby" - a pink to blood-red colored gemstone, considered one of the four rare and precious gemstones.

"Jean" - 'God is gracious.'

God has been gracious to us. We prayed so hard for a little girl, and God has chosen to literally grace us with little Ruby Jean. Though not in the way we imagined or hoped. This blog will serve as our journal as we walk hand in hand and step for step with our loving and Holy Heavenly Father. The process of creating a Ruby naturally is quite difficult and is fraught with countless trials and adversities. But the result of just the right minerals being 'cooked' with just the right pressure for just the right time, creates something of such value, rarity and beauty, that the eye finds itself captivated and the heart, worshipful. I especially like what is said here about the natural creation of rubies:

"The crystals form as the molten mixture is cooling. The rate at which it cools will determine the clarity and size. When the mixture is allowed to cool over a long period of time, larger rubies are formed. If the mixture cools too quickly, it can limit - or even prevent the formation of rubies."

And so it is with this season of life we have found ourselves in. Neither Cristin or I have any idea what will happen to our baby girl. As I write this now, we are anxiously awaiting a phone call from a specialist, telling us whether we should plan a funeral or a surgery. In the meantime, we're planning for a miracle. I don't know. I can't see tomorrow. I don't know if Ruby will be with us for a week, a month, a year or a lifetime.

But I know my Heavenly Father and I know what He's doing. He's making rubies. The heat burns, the pressure's rising, the timeline is invisible and I pray to Him earnestly that the mixture of our hearts are just right... just right to pull beauty out of the chaos. I pray earnestly that He will bring us beauty in the life of our Ruby Jean. But if His plan is to bring about beauty in some other form, we will choose to trust Him all the way.

Bottom line: God will heal our Ruby Jean...one way or another. He will either provide partial and temporary healing here on Earth, or complete and eternal healing in His Holy presence. We will choose to trust Him all the way. In the meantime, we will revel in her kicks and joyful movements in the womb and make the most of every moment God graces us with. This will be our account of God's actions within the Harrell family, and a celebration of His loving Fathering hand. Welcome, and let's find the rubies.

-- John