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Its been two weeks tomorrow and to be honest Im not exactly sure what to say on here.
We have kept very busy the last two weeks. We have cherished time with Johns parents. The boys had not seen them in almost two years. Their time here was too short but extra sweet. We look forward to flying to see them for Christmas. My dad was able to be here for a week which was an awesome gift! And my mom and lil sis are here till the 15th. So blessed to have them keep me company while John started work again. Dear friends of mine put on a surprise "Shower of Love" for me, where they shared with me pictures, messages of love, scripture and placed it in an album for me to treasure! I was completely surprised...and I never get surprised! I've been pampered with manicures, pedicures, lunch dates, and lots of love.
The process the passed two weeks has been ok. God continues to bless us with peace and comfort but we, of course, still have our moments. Moments where I am just frustrated or annoyed, with no real reason. Where any "little" thing can make me burst into tears, make me feel out of control or just plain sad. I realize that the grief I have is "ruby" but it comes out in other forms.
We are both tired...all the time. With the time change, we assumed we'd feel more rested, but we don't. We would both just prefer to sleep the day away. Another form that grief is taking.
I picked up Ruby's ashes on Tuesday, at the funeral home, all by myself. I thought it would be difficult but I think I compartmentalize everything. I can make that experience a business transaction and not allow myself to "go there". I was in a denial that what I was doing was actually picking up what was left of my daughter on this earth. That other then our memories and pictures, this is all that is left. But the experience did feel surreal. It hurts my heart to think about it but ultimately I trust her new body will be complete perfection and I cannot wait to experience her that way.
John and I hope to spread her ashes, just the two of us, soon. To give ourselves that time to say goodbye once again and let her go. I know it will be difficult but God continues to bring beauty from the ashes time and time again through this experience so we know He will again.
Thank you again for your continued prayers and please do not stop!
I know our posts may be few and far between but we promise to continue to update you all through our continued journey. We hope to have pictures soon to share with you as well as more of how God is teaching us through this process!