Saturday, November 19, 2011

Beauty instead of Ashes

Isaiah 61:1-3
The Year of the LORD’s Favor

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called mighty oaks,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

Saturday we went out to spread Ruby's ashes. Our awesome friends the Yee's have a boat so they took us out so we wouldn't have to rent one ourselves.
The day was chilly and windy and as we set out of the harbor. We were riding large swells, getting splashed all over and all I could do was crack up. I could not stop laughing. It was the kind of laughter where you couldn't catch your breathe. Like riding a roller coaster where you couldn't see the next turn or dip. It was awesome!

We decided to stop out where we were facing the pier. John liked the idea of a spot that we go to often and would always remember. The pier is where John purposed to me too, so it was extra sweet.

John and I each prayed together and thanked God for our Journey with Ruby. All that He had taught us through our short time with her. We asked Him to help us with moving forward and letting her go. That, when the time comes, He would make it plain which direction He would take our family.
John then released her. It was surreal to see her ashes resting upon the water for awhile. The idea that, that was our little girls body here and this earth. That her time here had ended and we no longer had any part of her except for the small tokens and memories.
There were no tears from me (not sure about John since he was wearing glasses). Part of me felt guilty about that, but I think I was ready for this day. I needed to say goodbye and let her go. To have a final symbol of closure. Even though the emotions are all still present from day to day, I needed to end the rituals that this world has for letting the physical body go.

We headed back to Harbor, cruised around a bit, picked up Andrea's Seafood and had a picnic on the boat as we enjoyed the afternoon. The wind died down, the air was clear and it was the perfect ending to the day. It was nice to just enjoy time with friends, laugh and kick back.

God continues to be faithful and good. I still have my moments where I can't hold back the tears. Moments where I have become angry at that "Son of Gun" third chromosome. I hate it! I'd punch it in the face if I could. I get angry that if it wasn't for one extra chromosome I'd still be pregnant planning for her to be here in just two short months. But I am always reminded that this was God's will for our Ruby Jean. And that our family was in God's perfect will through out this journey. I truly find freedom and beauty in that! HE is good!

1 comment:

  1. i'm really glad i read this this morning. :) we've been thinking of you guys so much. i'm really eager to see just how Jesus uses your experience to bring comfort and encouragement to others. really, i'm just excited about you and your family. :)

    ps. this is keri- i'm having a problem posting as myself!