Ways you can be praying!

That God continues to use Ruby's story to touch so many lives, that he would continue to Glorify Himself & draw others near to Him.

Pray we find the right doctor for Ruby ( have an apt at 1pm today) That He/She would help us plan for the best hospital experience and walk us through all the uncertainties of this journey.

That we would be able to monitor Ruby properly and know we are getting the best possible care for her.

That we are able to set up a meeting with the hospital and plan for our time there with them.

That as the medical bills continue to come in that God would provide everything we need to pay them quickly and stress free.

That we would enjoy each day we have with her (we get to see her today on a giant screen at a 3D ultrasound)

That our boys would be drawn closer to Jesus as they pray for her daily

That we would be new creations through this experience, transformed and forever changed by this beautiful life.

That Ruby's life would be used in ways we never thought imaginable!!

That with just a word God would touch her chromosomes, mend her broken heart, braid her umbilical cord, release pressure from her brain and HEAL OUR LITTLE GIRL!!

That God would prepare our hearts for what He has in store for our family.

That His name would forever be praised in our HOME!

Doctors and Appointments

Many of you know that we decided to search out a new doctor for Ruby.
Our last appointment did not go as we had hoped and we decided that we needed to find someone who we could build a better relationship with. We are aware that he is one of the best in situations like this and that he has been a great doctor for most of my friends with both healthy and unhealthy pregnancies but we did not feel he was a good fit for us right now. And to be honest we really came to that office for his midwife:) We hope to find someone who understands and supports our decision (not to say that our previous doctor didn't) and who is willing to take the time to help us plan for the best hospital experience in this kind of situation.
The hardest part has been the faxing of medical forms and setting up apts. We are pursuing 3 new doctors in hopes to sit down and see which one we can best build a relationship with. But two are unwilling to make an apt with us until they see my records, totally understandable. But the time frame between, faxing off a "release" of my records, my doctor signing off on the release, and them faxing it to the new doctors has been four days now and time is not something we have at this point. It feels little scary to be kind of alone in the "medical community" to have no one to call if I don't feel a kick or hear a heartbeat.
I know God is in every detail and already knows the outcome of our attempts to plan so my role right now is to do what I can and then trust He will make it happen, but I still get overwhelmed.
GOOD NEWS! With a special gift of an amazing friend, John and I are able to go get a 4D/3D ultrasound done tomorrow in Ventura! We called them today and they got us in for tomorrow at 4pm. They told us they have done ultrasounds for trisomy babies before and that they would love to help make this a beautiful experience. I am so excited because we can also live stream it to our parents who live out of state! What a blessing!
We cherish every moment with Little Ruby and boy has she been ACTIVE this week! I feel like she is always awake and practicing her break dancing skills even now! Every ultrasound I fall more and more in love, which leads all of this to become harder and harder.
But I praise God for His word and the healing that it brings! I praise Him for the MANY friends and family who have poured out more love on us than I ever thought possible! I praise Him for she is fearfully and wonderfully made, we know that full well!!

Blessed by the many gifts we have been given

Thanks for all the cards, dinners, notes, comments, emails, songs, phone calls, texts, babysitting, words, and prayers! We have been and continue to be blessed by the outpouring of love for our little Ruby Jean! We truly need it to get through this tough journey and cannot thank you enough for all your love.

Given to us by my amazing "momma" friends in Ventura!

I LOVE IT SOOO MUCH!

They even made two small blankets for Caleb and Jack!

From my very own sweet momma for our anniversary.

We will forever be blessed when we see this image sitting in our home.

A gift from my dear friend Kelly made by the very talented Holly Doden. I havent taken it off!!

A Blessing for Cristin...

Oh God of all Glory,
Who inclines His ear to the cries of His own,
Who draws near to the broken and enables the crushed in spirit,
hear me now:
Bless the womb that carries this one
so faithfully, so carefully.
Bless the work of her hands and the song of her heart.
Bless the eyes that stand watch and the love that protects.
Bless the mouth that speaks Truth and the faith that brings healing.
Bless the womb that carries this one
so faithfully, so carefully.
Carry her on, Oh God,
and enable her to stand on the heights.
Bless her, Oh God.
Please bless my love.

-John

Eh...

We fired the doctor today. It's not that he's incompetent or incapable or ugly or anything. We'd just prefer to go through this with a doctor who cares... or who at least asks my wife how she's doing with the loss of her unborn daughter. Maybe a heart is too much to ask for. Maybe... but he's fired.

Baseball and Miracles

I can't tell you who is in the MLB Championship Series' right now. There's a battle between four teams for the coveting pennet that is being playing out. Each team is desperately trying to beat their opponents and hang on the thin thread of hope that a World Series trophy is within their reach. I love October for the changing season and the epic postseason of Major League Baseball. But I admit right now, that I had to search to find out which teams were currently duking it out in round 2 of postseason action. My unborn daughter has stolen the spotlight of my heart, and nothing else comes close.

Ruby Jean has been surprising us. Her normally spunky, rambunctious and hyper-active nature all but disappeared last Tuesday. She just went silent, leading us to believe the very real reality that the journey of our Ruby was drawing to a close. Cristin and I would find ourselves lying in bed, waiting... like waiting for an earthquake, or holding our breath for thunder. In our preparation, she surprised us with little movements in the womb. It has been almost like she's just tapping on the door to let us know she's still here. Ultrasound after ultrasound have shown that her heart is still slowly going, though weaker, and her Ruby Jean nature is still there, though slower. She's fading. We'll go a day with no movement, assuming the worst, only to have her surprise us in the middle of the night, letting us know she's still here.

All of this led Cristin and I to understand that the time had come to level with the boys. Cristin had a great plan to tell the boys everything (age appropriately), and then to have them do a series of projects for their baby sister, like writing her a letter and drawing her special pictures, telling her about the world and the family that she belongs to. What came out of them was truly special and worth sharing. You can see and read them in this post.

I was touched. Cristin was given a necklace recently... a simple pendant on a gold chain that very plainly read "Ruby Jean". She has worn it around her neck faithfully since it was first given. I don't think she's taken it off. But what I realized last night is that in a very real way, we've all been wearing her around our necks. Everywhere we go there's an air and a feeling of heaviness. Peace is certainly abundant in our hearts and in our home, but there is a very real heaviness in our days. And the boys feel it too.

It's frightening territory, kind of like walking a tightrope. Neither Cristin or myself want to constantly bring her up to the boys or manufacture some emotion in them. But we also feel the need to remind the boys that it's good to talk about her, and to talk about their feelings, and that it's okay to be sad. I think that we have found a good balance, and I'm grateful to walk through this time with such a Godly, lovely and keenly aware woman.

Despite our emotional exhaustion, our spiritual rollercoaster, and our physical marathon, Ruby Jean delights us with every kick, jab and butterfly, no matter how faint it may become. It just lets us know that she is still with us... even if only for a season.

There's a lot of baseball fans praying for a miracle right now. But I don't care. I'm still praying for mine.

My little Fighetr

This morning I woke up and decided to stay in bed awhile. I wanted to wait and see what my little girl might do. She woke up too! I got two GOOD kicks from her and I let out a nice sigh of relief.

Yesterday at 2:30am I told John "I just wanna feel her, but I know that if I do Im gonna have another night/day like this down the road. So should I be ok with her passing tonight? or should I wish it on another evening?" Its not my decision to make and there is so much freedom in that. He knows the day, the hour, the minute and He is allowing us to say our goodbyes today.

I went in the Pregnancy Center this morning. Just me and the boys. The boys played out in the foyer and wandered in when they felt like it but the sweet tech left me alone to explore and stare. Ruby was more active today than yesterday. She is truly keeping us on our toes. I believe I have a strong willed child on my hands. She never wants us to think for one second we got her figured out. Or maybe that's the Lord:)

But her heart was still very faint. At one angle it was hard to tell that it was even pumping. But I got to watch her wiggle and squirm. I would slowly push down with the machine in my stomach and then slowly lighten up just to watch her react. I would take deep breaths in and out to watch her get extra space and then tighten up again. It was so fun! Moments I would never get with a doctor in the room. I even had her at an angle I have never had with her or the boys where I just studied her breathing in and out. To know her lungs are still pumping and practicing. She is still being formed for a world she will never encounter.

I love her more and more every time I see her. But at the same time there is this indescribable contentment with letting the Lord take her when He is ready. I am not angry at Him or bitter (but maybe that'll come later)

John put it in a beautiful perspective for me:

He told me that he and I made Ruby's body. That it took our cells to create the shell of who Ruby is but that the Lord created "RUBY JEAN" the girl, the character, the personality, the spirit, the soul. And because we live in a broken world it makes sense that Ruby's body would be broken. This world is full of sin, brokenness, and sorrow BUT "RUBY JEAN" is perfect! God did not make any mistakes with "RUBY JEAN". So this body may fail her. She may never get the chance to use it to explore this broken world, but the Lord who makes no mistakes will take His RUBY JEAN back to PERFECTION. And that sounds better to me by far!

Thank you all for your prayers, tears, emails, texts, dinners, and love! The Lord truly knows what I need and I need people! I need the fellowship of the body and I am truly grateful that you have answered my prayers. Thank you for not lightening up, or stepping back to give me my time or space. At this point in time, i dont need it! I need family, friends and even strangers! We will keep you all posted as we know more but as for right now we pray God continues to be in EVERY detail as we wait on His perfect plan!

-Cristin